Last month we received a ‘cease and desist’ letter from a law firm on behalf of their clients, My Surrogacy Journey.
This UK agency wanted us to stop talking about them and the law firm representing them issued a SLAPP – a Strategic Legislation Public Participation. Frowned on by the Solicitors Regulatory Authority, a SLAPP aims to intimidate and silence opponents. It sends a message to recipients that speaking further may land them in legal trouble.
Since I have not done anything illegal I will continue to write about this agency and their connected businesses such as their new clinic, their foundation, their agency in Mexico and the Modern Family Show which is paused as they await the birth of their third child, born to a woman in Mexico this time.
But I am not at all surprised that an agency operating under the UK model of so-called ‘altruistic’ surrogacy whilst running a commercial operation in Mexico, might not appreciate my words in this article, which inspired the letter. No, I am not surprised at all as we have seen the active silencing of women who speak up about surrogacy before.
Several surrogate mothers who were signed up with Surrogacy UK have told me they were removed from groups after raising doubts, concerns or for expressing feelings doutb, reluctance or regret. As this doesn’t align with their narrative they were ejected and blocked. These women can no longer access the social networks designed to support them, they have no one to talk to outside of their own friendships and family, and as surrogacy is presented as a unique and alternative way to have a family, many do not understand the intricate and complex emotions that come to a head in a surrogacy pregnancy and postpartum.
We supported a surrogate mother through part of her legal ordeal which was thankfully successful in ‘setting aside’ the parental order she signed under judicial encouragement. The judgment handed down prevents her from speaking publicly and she is not the first, nor will she be the last.
Another surrogate mother has been threatened more subtly, by calling her character and reputation into question and should she continue to speak out her credibility will be undermined. Others may want to speak but they don’t have the freedom to discuss their experiences and this is not a new experience. Surrogate mother’s in the USA fear being sued if they speak out. A 2015 UK court case saw a surrogate mother banned from speaking to the press after a judge’s decision saw her baby placed into the care of the genetic father, and his partner, against her wishes:
“The court order preventing the mother from speaking out about the decision, which has been reported on the front page of today’s Daily Mail, has been described as “totally disproportionate”.
Similar gagging orders are issued in other countries that apply the so-called ‘altruistic’ surrogacy model. A 2017 case in Canada saw a rapid agreement following an online meeting and a contract that prevented her from speaking out:
“the couple offered her $500 to forego legal advice in order to speed things up….The document was also written to make the arrangement appear completely altruistic on the part of the surrogate, even though she would be paid a set amount of money whether or not she actually incurred expenses.”
Alison Motluk writes “But what bothered me most was that she was strictly forbidden from revealing any of it. The contract contained a gag order.”
Alison Motluk has written on the regularity of surrogate mothers being ‘gagged’ and shares lines from contracts detailing where surrogate mothers cannot share anything about their ‘journey’.
In some countries the threats go beyond a legal letter or a court ruling. Some surrogate mothers are threatened with the loss of their lives. An international contact of ours who wishes to remain anonymous told us:
“Mothers are afraid to speak because agencies are very powerful and there are countries where it is very easy to make a woman disappear, because their lives are worth nothing. Earlier this year a 25 year old woman acting as a surrogate mother bled to death in an illegal clinic. This happened in a country where surrogacy is legal. The mafia are threatening the family to keep silent, forcing them to delete social media posts and stay silent after the death of their loved one.”
We are often asked, why don’t these women say something, but is it any wonder as to why you don’t hear their stories when legal rulings, contracts, agencies and legal threats prevent them from sharing what happened to them?
We are one of only a handful of organisations in the UK representing the other side of surrogacy. We are not funded, we do not charge for membership and we do not receive donations. We do not have money to pay lawyers but we do have is an abundance of time to listen to surrogate mothers.
I invite all surrogate mothers with regret, doubts or concerns, to reach out to us by email (or DM us on Twitter/X) to share your stories with us in confidence. We understand why you have not been unable to speak and we are here to listen to you and what your experience of surrogacy has been.
And the cease and desist letter? Well, when someone wants you to stop talking about them as you’re making them look bad, that’s reason enough to carry on and perhaps shout even louder.
